Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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