Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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