The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
