There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
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We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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