After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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