He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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