she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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