She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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