She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
