I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize