@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
