Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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