The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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