Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
