If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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