So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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