Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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