Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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