Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
