he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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