I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
