Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
