Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
