Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
