remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
