I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
