dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
