So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
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If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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