I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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