You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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