Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
