It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize