how can u be prego again
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
