I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
