Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
