I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
