I accidentally had phone sex last night
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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