how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
