I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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