He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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