I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
