Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
