I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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