sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
