oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
