Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
