Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
