I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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