Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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