we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
