he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
