Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
