i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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