I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
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So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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