I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
