thus making me awesome and them whores
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
