MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
