im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
As shirtless as possible
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This toilet bowl is my home.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
