My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
